Thursday, December 20, 2007

Christmas Melt Down

Strangely enough, two years ago, on this day, I shouted at a teenage girl who ran up to me with a charity tin, squealing, “Give us money!”

Me: If you rattle that tin in my face again, you little slag, I swear to god I’ll smack you.

I don’t know what it is about December 20th, but it’s a day that tends to make me lose my grip a bit. Today, my tenuous grip on sanity was shaken further by a 9 month old who’s teething and fighting a cold at the same time. Everything I tried to do this morning was rebuffed with a barrage of what I can only imagine was baby cursing, so much so that I was tempted to wash her mouth out with soap. (I DON’T MAKE MY BABY EAT SOAP. No calls to child services, please.) Putting pants on became akin to being jabbed by sharp objects. Putting a coat on was obviously a fate worse than death. Being put on trial for war crimes at The Hague was infinitely preferable to being strapped into a car seat. And going round the shops? Don’t even ask.

The last few weeks have been something of a struggle. The Prawn, for lack of a better word, has been behaving like a jerk. I know it's because of the new teeth that are forcing their way through her gums as well as the lurghy that has taken up residence in her respiratory system. It seems terribly unfair that babies can't behave as WE do when we get sick- simply take to their beds and wake up only occasionally for sustenance. But no, they are afflicted with the jerk reflex which causes them to behave as if they have spent most of their short lives with a pack of wolverines. Not only that, but they infect US as well and through our own sickness, we are expected to be patient and understanding of their antics all while battling sleep deprivation, a sore throat and migraine.

I hate myself for sometimes wishing that she'd just disappear for a few hours or having to leave her in her crib, screaming so that I can do some screaming of my own into a convenient pillow. No mother should feel that way about her kid, I think, but I'm pretty sure that just about every one does at one point or another.

Motherhood is all about the guilt. Asking Santa for a happy baby for Christmas.


neko said...

That screaming in a pillow thing is good for the soul. Go for it.

What's really a shame is that there are not better drugs for babies. There really should be better drugs. Knockout drugs. Know what I mean ;).

I feel like you do too sometimes. Hang in there chica...

Becky said...

The Prawn's overseas boyfriend, Alex, is experiencing the same thing. I use another, more colorful term than "jerk" but the meaning is the same.

He's teething AND has a stomach bug. I also have the stomach bug, which kept me up for most of the night last night.

Someone, kill me now. Please?

MsPrufrock said...

Bitch, please. I feel this way any time P has teething and illness issues and is a complete cow. Last night I dreamt of chucking her out the window because she would.not.stop.screaming.

It's only natural. Er, at least I hope it is...

rockmama said...

Shit. I thought the senseless screaming would stop when I started being able to communicate with her on a regular basis in, you know, English.

Anonymous said...

my little got 2 teeth and had a devestatingly bad flu bug where she threw up for 8 hours in a row, went to emerg twice in 3 days for dehydration. and was soo clingy and sweet for the first day and then awful for 2 days i nearly cried. well i did. and she got a tooth a few weeks before and was awful awful awful for a few weeks. i am glad tooth 2 was combined with this illness.
it was funny as i hadnt showered or changed my track suit / pjs for nearly 4 days when she was sick. nor left the house.
today went out for coffee to starbucks and i must say it was a blessing to get out even though it is crazy out there for xmas.

i hope that at least there will be other people around over the holidays to share your grief as well as to hold and play with her when you are tired of her.

lisalou said...

I am sorry the Prawn is being a jerk.
I hope Santa brings you a new, positive attitude for her...or a big bar of soap.