Familiar Territory

Been a while since I posted.

Have been a bit down recently about the whole miscarriage thing. I don't know if I didn't have time AT the time to process much or if I thought it shouldn't bug me because I already have a kid or what, but I'm finding it hard to look at pregnant bellies again.

It's hard, with secondary infertility, to feel that you have the right to complain at all. I mean, you already HAVE the one thing that so many other people would give their right arm for: a happy, healthy child. It feels GREEDY to be sad; to long for another baby.

While at home in the States recently, an old high school friend stopped by to visit. We got pregnant within a few weeks of each other. I knew it would be hard to see her, but didn't really feel like I was close enough with her to say, "Hey, you know you're awesome and all, but I think it might be a little difficult for me at the mo." So, along she came, big belly and all.

And it sucked. I hope it didn't come through in my demeanor exactly how much it sucked, but it did.

Some of our best friends Blighty-side are also expecting again; after a long battle to conceive, I might add. (She suffers from PCOS) I know we need to get together with them, but at the moment, I don't know how to get through the evening.

I need permission to feel sad. From someone. Anyone.