Since deciding to start TTC, I stocked up on pregnancy tests. Buying them to me has always been kind of akin to buy condoms or something, which is stupid. I think they have the connotation for me of some scared teenage girl crying her eyes out in the bathroom at the mall. (a scene I have witnessed many times growing up in rural Maryland where they actually have to ask "Are you related in any way?" when you apply for a marriage certificate)
Having them in your bathroom is a temptation as anyone who's TTC knows. They call to you toward the end of the cycle. "Pee on me! Peeeeeee oooooon meeeeee....." they whisper from the drawer.
So, this morning, expecting AF literally any second, I gave in to the temptation, feeling like a mug.
The result was not quite what I was expecting.
I went out to show Mr. DD.
"This isn't in my head right?" I asked, shoving the thing in his face. (We sometimes forget that not everyone has the same tolerance to our own pee as we do)
"Nope. That's really definitely a plus sign," he replied.
I don't really know what to think at the moment. Mr. Devil Duck put it best. "Right, this doesn't mean we're having a baby, it just means that we've gotten planning permission." I'm trying to forget about the plus sign while at the same time going into battle mode. I'm in the process of writing a letter to my insurance company telling them that I'm going to see a specialist. I need to wait til my father-in-law (who is also my boss) leaves the room so I can make an appointment with Dr. Bow-Tie Guy asap.
Anyone who's experienced pregnancy loss probably understands the myriad of conflicting emotions. Joy and excitement heavily tempered with trepidation and crippling worry. As far as I'm concerned, for my own sanity, until that child is in my arms, I'm still TTC. We're not telling a soul (except all you internet folks, of course) until we have to.
Please, please send me good energy!