Thursday, June 29, 2006

Result

Since deciding to start TTC, I stocked up on pregnancy tests. Buying them to me has always been kind of akin to buy condoms or something, which is stupid. I think they have the connotation for me of some scared teenage girl crying her eyes out in the bathroom at the mall. (a scene I have witnessed many times growing up in rural Maryland where they actually have to ask "Are you related in any way?" when you apply for a marriage certificate)

Having them in your bathroom is a temptation as anyone who's TTC knows. They call to you toward the end of the cycle. "Pee on me! Peeeeeee oooooon meeeeee....." they whisper from the drawer.

So, this morning, expecting AF literally any second, I gave in to the temptation, feeling like a mug.

The result was not quite what I was expecting.

I went out to show Mr. DD.

"This isn't in my head right?" I asked, shoving the thing in his face. (We sometimes forget that not everyone has the same tolerance to our own pee as we do)

"Nope. That's really definitely a plus sign," he replied.

I don't really know what to think at the moment. Mr. Devil Duck put it best. "Right, this doesn't mean we're having a baby, it just means that we've gotten planning permission." I'm trying to forget about the plus sign while at the same time going into battle mode. I'm in the process of writing a letter to my insurance company telling them that I'm going to see a specialist. I need to wait til my father-in-law (who is also my boss) leaves the room so I can make an appointment with Dr. Bow-Tie Guy asap.

Anyone who's experienced pregnancy loss probably understands the myriad of conflicting emotions. Joy and excitement heavily tempered with trepidation and crippling worry. As far as I'm concerned, for my own sanity, until that child is in my arms, I'm still TTC. We're not telling a soul (except all you internet folks, of course) until we have to.

Please, please send me good energy!

15 comments:

Meg said...

Wow, Rockmama. I like, totally, feel honourd that you like, told us...But really...congratulations. ((sticky vibes)) to you as they say on the messageboards of vomit. x keep us updated.

Kath said...

Reeee-sult indeed! How amazing that I just stumbled onto your blog now. Congratulations, Rockmama! I am keeping everything crossed that this one becomes the baby you hold in your arms.

Alexa said...

WOOT!
I know how terrified you must be, really I do. I hope you have absolutely no cause to worry, and that everything goes smoothly from here.

Molly said...

What? WHAT?!

Oh, how exciting!

I'll be hoping for you. And then hoping some more.

rockmama-in-waiting said...

Thanks all! Trying my best to cool my jets.

Anonymous said...

Holy cow! I just started reading yesterday, and now we've already got some results. Instant gratification!

Will be sending huge positive vibes in your direction, over several time zones....

Thalia said...

Wow. What a great piece of news, congratulations (in a quiet, non-scary way for now).

Meri-ann said...

Congrats, how awesome!!!

Alkelda the Gleeful said...

RSM, I hope you write a book someday. You have the knack of taking painful subjects and infusing them with humor without belittling them (ie. the pregnancy tests that call out "Peeee on me.")

Jennie said...

I'm another who just stumbled across your blog and wow! I know you must be "cautiously and nervously excited"; but I hope for you that you will soon be able to just be "excited".

Sending you as much good energy as the internet can trasmit!

Kelli said...

Just happened on your blog and I wanted to *whisper* my congratulations to you. As lame as it sounds, sticky ((vibes)) to you.

rockmama-in-waiting said...

thank you ladies for all your support! It's tremendously heartening to know that there are a lot of you out there who understand the trepidation that goes along with pregnancy after loss. thanks so much again.

Shana said...

Oh my gosh, congratulations!!!

Hopeful Mother said...

Just found your blog - wishing you all the best in a cautious sort of way!

Maternity lady said...

Keep Us posted !