Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Selling our Souls to Sweden

So, Mr. DD and I have some sort of mental deficiency when it comes to shopping. As much as I would like to try to blame it on the brand of lighting that they use in the now dreaded showrooms of Ikea, it’s probably more likely that the both of us are total gimps.

So, after discovering that we'd FORGOTTEN TO BUY THE BED on our first trip, (not difficult with 3 trolleyloads of flat pack stuff that all kind of look the same) we made another to buy the bed and the mattress and to return a defective chair and some curtains obviously made for the Tallest Windows in the World. As one might expect, although we only received a refund of about £45 pounds in total, we came back out again with about 350 pounds worth of crap. Although we got the bed, would anyone like to place bets on whether or not we picked up the replacement for said returned, defective chair? (hint: DON’T.)

Being not only brain dead, but masochists as well, we dragged ourselves into the Swedish hellstore yet AGAIN on Sunday, (for the “absolutely freaking last time") which, for anyone who’s ever done that before, (we’ve only ever gone on weeknights) you’ll know can severely damage your faith in humanity.

For example: After I disembarked to get some last minute supplies at Asda next door, the Rock Star witnessed an example of karmic justice playing out in the parking lot. A Chinese man was waiting for a parking space when a van load of chavs in a white van cut him up and took the space. Not only did they take the space he’d been waiting about 10 minutes for, but they LAUGHED at him and reached through his car windows to pat him on the head when he remonstrated with them. However, no sooner had this pack of human offal entered the store, when the scorned Chinese fellow returned to let down their tires. Mr DD almost went to help him. He DEFININTELY wished we'd had the time to sit there with some popcorn to watch the show when the owners of the van came back.

At any rate, we picked up most of the items on our list. Although we had some lights to return, the queue was so long, we decided that it was worth the 12 pounds we’d get back NOT to wait in it. We also picked up the missing chair. However, it was the last one in the stack and the box was somewhat damaged, so we had to weigh our options. Do we take it and risk another trip back to return ANOTHER defective item? Our reasoning- if it’s fine, we rock. If we DON’T buy it, we’ll have to come back ANYWAY to get it, so it was worth the risk. (It wasn’t. The chair was utterly smashed when we took it out of the box back at home. Fuck my hat, back we go.)

We have now been there so many times, I have worked out shortcuts through the showroom. This is information that no one should ever have to be burdened with.


lisalou said...

SO FUNNY! I love it! I feel your pain.We've totally been there. I am so happy we don't have an Ikea on the Island. We have to take the ferry to Vancouver if want our fix. Our two best seedish for commen sense stories includes the time we tried to drive the freeway with a bed strapped to the roof of my VW beetle and almost lost it, and the time when we got carried away buying stuff at ikea when we didn't have our car with us. WE had to ask total strangers on the ferry to help us carry our freskin' bookcases! Can you say Freakshow?

nelly said...

i've just discovered your blog tonight and have had a blast reading from the beginning! we have a few things in common!
i too am from maryland (baltimore) and am living in the UK (birmingham).
i miscarried my first pregnancy but now have 2 beautiful boys!
all the best for the rest of your pregnancy!

katty said...

Oh. I wish I'd been tehre to see the street justice enacted by the Chinese man.
By the way, I've tagged you.... as if you didn't have enough to do already.

rockmama-in-waiting said...

Lisalou- We also considered the pros and cons of strapping our mattress to the roof of our car and, in the end, knowing what a pair of doofuses we are, decided on the home delivery service instead. We DEFININTELY would have lost the mattress on the way home, there's no question!

Nelly- Hiya! Nice to meet another Maryland ex-pat!

Katty- I consider myself tagged. Shall get to it when I have a mo. :)

SaraS-P said...

I love that the scorned Chinese man did that!

rockmama-in-waiting said...

Sara- we did too. To take someone's space is one thing, but to make fun of them and reach into their car to PAT THEM ON THE HEAD is quite another. What a bunch of turds! I think I might have done more than just let DOWN their tires....

dawnatello said...

i cant imagine having to put all that stuff together!!!
Especially being prego and all. Be carefull with all that lifting and congrats on the new home.