Friday, July 13, 2007

OT: In Need of a Purge

I try not to write stuff on my blogs that I wouldn't actually say to someone's face. The internet, while ginormous, has a tendancy of becoming very small indeed very quickly with a targeted keyword search, as so many people have found out to their peril. I don't like to go spewing vitriol anyhow- I'm not a believer in karma, but it's always seemed to me that when I radiate bad energy, it tends to either eat me or come back on me later in ways I can't imagine. Today, it's eating me and I feel like I've got to give it a voice before it bursts, Alien style, though my stomach.

I find it ironic that Pru also chose today to tackle the subject of the difficulties of making friends. Both being ex-pats, we've faced having to start over again in a new country post-education, making it hard to meet new people. While Mr. DD and I actually DO have some functional friends, the majority of them are wildly dysfuctional and I probably spend more time than I should worrying about what they get up to.

I wrote a post last year that I deleted when I believed that some of the people mentioned might have gained access to my main blog, which, at a pinch, MIGHT be able to lead to this one. I was wrong, but I was glad I deleted the post nonetheless. Unsurprisingly, some of those very same people are STILL turning me inside out with frustration.

Our god daughter's parents have just split up. This is not a particular surprise to anyone. She was an "oops" baby and we've known for ages that her parents don't particularly care for eachother. My issue at present is her mother.

"***** is getting it in the neck for finishing with her boyfriend." her rather flip Facebook status read the other night.

In an MSN conversation with Mr. DD this morning (which was obviously less friendly from his end than she was expecting) she was also remarkably casual about the prospect of our goddaughter never getting to see her half-brother again. (Her father has a son from his previous marriage.)

Mr. DD: will *** still get to see his sister?

Her: i guess, again depends on when (her boyfriend) has them

Mr. DD: :(

Her: again its probley not a great loss to *** as (his mother) will probley twist his head

Mr. DD: when he's older he'll want to know though

Mr DD: as will she

Her: i doubt he'll be that intrested as i said before, *** really happy we split up so she'll make him forget or not be bothered

Um....make him forget that he's got a little sister who he REALLY loves? Make him not interested that this person who's been with his Dad for almost two years now is suddenly not there anymore?

The fact that she's broken up with her partner neither surprises nor upsets me. What gets me is her STAGGERING flippancy about the whole thing as well as her daughter's relationship with her older brother. It's not like she's just tumbled some guy she met out at the pub. She's just broken up with the father of her daughter.

Our goddaughter was conceived at a time when I felt like my world was crumbling around my ears after my second miscarriage. This little girl managed to rescue something good out of a really messy situation for her parents and, in a way, for me too. To see her mother being so casual about ripping her world apart makes me want to throttle her until her eyes pop out.*

And writing all of this down makes me realize that I'd have no trouble saying any of that directly to her face.

*Can I also just mention a few other facts that make me want to commit homicide? She sits the baby down in front of the worst British soaps imaginable; Eastenders, Emmerdale, Corrination Street. In front of shows like Big Brother. Shows where people spent the majority of time screaming at one another. Also? She lives in a house crammed full of toys...with no books. This is a woman who told me I was having a laugh when I told her that we had an International Space Station. I have no hope for my goddaughter.


lisalou said...

Arrgh...I hear your frustration and I remember that, last years', post. If I remember correctly reading it taught me the valuable word, ASSHAT.

Thalia said...

SOunds very tough. I don't know if this helps given how much you are putting into doing all the right things by the prawn, but all the evidence shows that children's character is only affected a small amount by their parents' behaviour, it's a lot to do with genetics and a lot to do with how their peers behave. So there is still hope for your goddaughter. Plus could you be the person who provides her with books, calm spaces, a listening ear?

rockmama said...

Thalia- It's true, and I know that with the right exposure to teachers and peers, our goddaughter could turn out just fine. However, I believe strongly that the key to a healthy mind is an instilled sense of curiosity. And if there is a more incurioius person on the planet than her mother, I have yet to meet one.

Since she has been born we have made her many gifts of books and (knowing her mother's fondness for sticking her in front of the TV) Baby Einstein videos. The books, we've noticed, are at the bottom of a cardboard box of unused baby gifts in their living room. Sadly, her mother is now moving back to Brighton with her and chances are, even her FATHER isn't going to get to see much of her, let alone us.:(