Thursday, July 27, 2006

Random Nauseous Thoughts

Been hanging with my folks for the last few days. They stopped by on their way back from their tour in Switzerland and it was really fantastic to see them.

It occured to me that this is the first time that my mother has actually SEEN me pregnant- even though it's obvious to no one but me at the moment. (I feel so bloated, I can't believe people don't come up to me, trying to moisten me with wet towels and encourage me back to the ocean) My last two miscarriages took place over here, 3000 miles away from the person I wanted the most when they happened. It was nice that I got to be with her for at least a little while with a potential life in my belly.

I'm closing in on 8 weeks now. All symptoms present and accounted for. Boobs that look like a map of the tributaries of the Amazon and the smell of trees and any cosmetic product making me swoon with nausea. Strangely enough, food products do NOT make me want to hurl, so I know that it could be much, much worse, but I'm lamenting having to store my lovely Lush products under the sink until I can bear to smell them again. It's all pretty new. None of these things happened the first times around.

When I thought about being pregnant, I tended to think in terms of "how am /I/ going to deal with this?" but I've been finding gradually that it's more like, "how is this completely new person who I've never met before going to deal with this?" I've not been overly weepy, but not overly joyful either. I don't feel at all like myself- like I'm kind of looking in at the whole thing from the outside. The lack of fear is the most frightening; how can I possibly let myself believe that everything's going to be okay after what's gone before?

I'm holding my breath until the next scan on the 4th of August.

3 comments:

Meg said...

It's odd really. Its the only time when nausea is considered a positive symptom of anything.

lisalou said...

I've just read your blog start to finish.
I absolutely love your writing style. I am really excited about your pregnancy and I hope all goes well for you.. I can't wait until my Aveda products make me sick!

rockmama-in-waiting said...

My mother was really thrilled that plants and trees were making me sick; apparently it was exactly the same for her.

To keep the Lush smell down in the bathroom, I cleverly transfered some of the products to the fridge. (In our recent hot weather, stuff has been melting under the bathroom cupboard.) Not so cleverly, the products smelled so strong that they started seeping into other things in the fridge. When I opened the milk this morning, it smelled like my cocoa butter scrub bar and I just about yakked. Back into the bathroom they go!